Random Jukebox

In The Dice Man, novelist Luke Reinhart proposed making all of your decisions by rolling a dice. That’s clearly nuts. Using a jukebox to make all your decisions is a far more practical proposition.

Choose a random number (it will vary depending on what kind of jukebox you’re planning to use, but it will probably be four digits). Go to a bar, preferably one that has a jukebox. If you have to visit a few bars in order to find one, it’s only polite to have a drink in each. Once you have your jukebox, feed in your buck and key in your number. The song that comes up will be your guide for the following day.

Rolling Stones’ ‘Wild Horses’? You could take it literally and try to tame a horse. You could take a ride on a carousel. Or you could refuse to go away from somewhere: it’s your call. Joe Cocker doesn’t provide a lot of room for interpretation with his ‘Leave Your Hat On’, but it’s up to you which hat you choose. Tina Turner’s ‘Simply the Best’ may inspire you to give trophies to some of your more outstanding colleagues, friends and family members. Warrant’s ‘She’s my Cherry Pie’ is a clear invitation to take the day off and work on your pie recipe (if you need a ‘cool drink of water’ while working, go right ahead).

Repeat daily until you run out of songs, or until you select NWA’s ‘F*** the Police’.

Recipe for disaster

Ah, remember the night we sat on the Piazza Navona, sipping limoncello as the stars came out over the Panthenon? Or that little café, perched above the Danube, where you spilled your Zwack Unicum on my linen pantsuit? Tequila and a donkey show in Tijuana; a refreshing Kingfisher when we reached Everest base camp: so many traveling memories are brought on (and wiped out by) the taste of the local brew.
Some countries have a magic touch when it comes to distilling liquor; others just ferment whatever they find buried up the back of the shed under some burlap sacks. But whether glorious or vile, the thrill of tasting exotic booze is one of the highlights of travel.

The good news is, a little thing called 'international trade' means you can now gamble your liver and your eyesight in the comfort of your very own home. Even your local liquor store is bound to harbour at least one dubious spirit, beer or wine of unidentifiable lineage. Stores like Trader Joe’s or Dan Murphy's have a plethora. So here’s what you do: invite your closest friends to your place for a cocktail party. Everyone has to bring a bottle. More importantly, everyone has to bring a bottle of something foreign that they’ve never tasted before (if they can’t even figure out what it is, so much the better). Then, mix and match at your discretion (and remember, you can’t have too much water. Seriously. Drink up).

Ah, remember the night we put Vilmos Nectar in the blender with that beef-scented, orange stuff from Tanzania? No, neither do I…

Meet the locals

If you’re like most people, you go out to the same few places every weekend. You consider yourself a certain type of person, so you go to a certain type of club, bar or pub.

It’s time for a change.

Where’s the drinking hole you’re least likely to visit? (If it’s because it’s incredibly dangerous, cross it off your list and choose the second-least likely.) This Saturday night, you’re going there.

On your visit, keep in mind the most important tenet of travel: respect the local customs and learn from them.

How do the locals dress? Dress similarly, so as not to offend them (if they wear striped shirts and lots of hair product, don’t show up in your torn Dead Kennedys t-shirt; if they like retro handbags and liquid eyeliner, don’t wear your old tracksuit). Observe their customs and ways of behaving and try to fit in (drink complicated cocktails if that’s what they’re drinking; if they prefer Carlton Draught, so do you). Try to talk to the regulars – you never know what you might learn about horse racing, construction work, snagging a rich husband, beach volleyball or what that guy from Pavement is up to these days.

Be open-minded and tolerant. Just because they do things differently, doesn’t mean they’re wrong. And enjoy your cultural experience.